Even on vacation, the thought that the teacher will yell or give a bad grade at school scares me. I try to think less about the first of September, but every day I am afraid more and more. Usually, when I get a deuce, it always becomes sad, and I think only about it for the rest of the day. How to gain confidence and not be afraid to go to school?
Veronica, 12 years old
Remember that a bad grade can be corrected. Next time you will be able to show a better result if you prepare yourself, learn what there were gaps in before. Sometimes assessments are needed to see what you have learned and what else needs to be worked on. A bad grade doesn't make you worse. It's not a stigma, it doesn't define what kind of person you are. We don't always get good grades in all subjects. Each has its own strengths and weaknesses, some items are better, others are worse.
The only thing a bad grade speaks about is the need to work through the missing material. Do not stop communicating with friends, do not become isolated, ask for help if necessary. Feel free to clarify what is not clear with teachers and those who understand the subject well. It's not a shame to study and ask. Try not to just forget about the bad grade, but make sure that it helps you in the future.
When explaining the material, the teacher should not yell at you. If he raises his voice a lot and makes it scary for you to go to school, tell your parents. You can contact a school psychologist.
During the summer holidays, we always wean from the usual rhythm, and we don't want to go back to school. But this feeling usually passes quickly - after all, at school not only tests are waiting for you, but also friends whom you did not see in the summer.
“Stomach hurts” or “don't need to go to school today” is a common problem, but the reasons are different. There are solutions for all ages.
Experiencing fears and anxieties is an absolutely normal phenomenon of a healthy psyche. Normally, fear makes a person “shake up” and activate as much as possible, react, and act quickly. In this sense, fear is unpleasant, but useful.
Everything changes when there are too many fears, or when the child "gets stuck" in them, loses control over himself and the situation. Why is this happening? Phobias don't happen overnight. Most often, this is the result of a long accumulation process, starting from early childhood, the course of pregnancy and childbirth. Or is it a fear of separation from parents, or learning difficulties, or trouble in relationships with teachers and classmates.
Or fear of the unknown, high parental expectations, low child self-esteem, parents that are too strict or too anxious about parents. Work with injuries, problems and their consequences, of course, should be entrusted to a specialist psychologist (for a child of preschool and primary school age, for example, art therapy is suitable - fairy tale therapy, drawing therapy, for adolescents - cinematotherapy, group therapy). there is a space in which parents and children can and should work on their own.
Phobia is nothing more than fear ... of fear itself, that is, the strongest, literally panicky, rejection of fear as such. The paradox is that in order to overcome childhood phobias, parents will have to ... love them: admit, accept and “beat” them.
How can you help your child get rid of the fear of school?
In addition to all of the above - difficulties with study or relationships - the real problem can be absolutely trifling, but at the same time disturb the child: at the holiday he forgot a poem, dropped something in the dining room, went to the toilet for the opposite sex - whatever. Explain how to deal with the discomfort and how to remedy the situation.
Children often feel that all adult family members are working on some common task, trying to protect the child from it. Children will intuitively try to take part in a difficult situation, to be at home and close to their family, so as not to miss anything. If there is a problem, and the parents unite to solve it, and the child is not initiated into it, the child still feels it. Do not hide from him the existence of a common family affair - tell as much as you see fit. Place the accents so that the child understands: the best help on his part now is to study, go to school, gain knowledge, stay healthy and cheerful.
Do not object or criticize, on the contrary, support your child. Talk kindly, leisurely and optimistically on topics of concern to him as much as he needs. Explain to him that it is normal to be afraid and anxious.
After listening carefully and sympathetically to the child, try to smoothly transfer the conversation from a negative plot to the desired, favorable scenario. Ask which solution the child thinks would be the best. At the same time, act slowly, gently and tactfully, asking leading questions. It is important that in such conversations the child develops initiative, and feels, along with parental support and understanding, that he himself is able to find a way out of unpleasant situations. Tell us about your school fears and their disappearance. Laugh at the situations together - as if they were horror stories from children.
Use the "gradual exposure" principle. Place your child in a new and unknown situation for a short time, and be with him to the maximum. Think of a way to get him to school in tiny little portions. Speak with him in detail what he will do during separation, tell the baby in detail what you will do while he is at school. Together, come up with a way to celebrate the end of the school day, the end of the school week.
Get creative with the principle of combining business with pleasure: organize an orientation tour of the school with your favorite friends. Schedule picnics with classmates, take them to the bowling alley, zoo, museum, or rides this coming weekend. The more positive emotions you have, the sooner friendships in the classroom will develop. Encourage your child to be friends and befriend classmates (offer to invite after school, bake fun cookies and treat classmates, arrange a photo shoot or themed party).
Nothing boosts childhood motivation and enthusiasm like parenting. Knowing that parents appreciate and love the child for who he is, the child will be more stress-resistant and cheerful. Explain that the school can be in trouble and must be prepared to deal with it. Say that you will always help - both with your studies and in your relationships with teachers and peers. In everything and always you will be there.
Help me please, I am 14 years old, I am studying in the seventh grade, once (last year) I already stayed for the 2nd year. And it bothers me a lot. Everyone in the school knows me, all the students, all the teachers. And everyone has a negative opinion of me. I'm afraid to go to school, I'm afraid what people will think of me. I'm afraid of society. And that's why I'm skipping. Parents think that I just don't want to study. But I could study at home with a new teacher. But the parents say that this is not possible. They don't have so much money to teach me at home ... I don't know what to do ... But I can't go to school. This is the worst thing in the world for me.
Support the site:
Ekaterina, age: 01/14/2016
Feedback:
Hello Kate! It's all about your fear, fear of condemnation, misunderstanding, ridicule. People have a lot of their own problems and can discuss not only you, do not get hung up on this. It is better to be distracted and focus on studying, on those subjects that are better at it. Just repeat to yourself - I don’t care about the opinions of others, I can handle it, I’m acting correctly. Find yourself a hobby, what you like - it will work out and, next, your overall confidence will grow. School subjects are not easy for everyone, the main thing is not to give up, but to look for your own, let it be the best, to live according to your heart. Start with small steps, set small goals, such as a positive grade, even for an easy subject. Then you can get down to something more complicated. And remember that your academic performance is not equal to your assessment as a person. Good luck!
Artyom, age: 31 / 20.01.2016
Hello Katya. And if you transfer to another school ?! It's just that not everyone is registered for home schooling, mainly for health reasons. In any case, you need to study, first of all for yourself, your education, development. Maybe there is an opportunity to see a psychologist ?! Try not to skip lessons, read more, watch videos on incomprehensible topics on the Internet. Good luck, Katya. Take care of yourself!
Irina, age: 01/28/2016
Katyusha, can you stop being afraid and tell the teachers that they would help you to improve your studies? I think they are also burdened by the fact that there are lagging students. Excellent students can also help you. Or maybe they want, but do not dare to propose themselves. Talk to a teacher you trust. Skipping is not an option. It will probably not be superfluous to discuss this situation with my mother. Good luck, Katenka)
Clara, age: 34 / 01.21.2016
Persuade your parents to transfer you to another school.
Kakite girl type, age: 10 / 24.09.2017
Previous request Next request
Return to the beginning of the section
The duration of the session is 1 hour 14 minutes.
Boy, 8 years old, Russia (reading was carried out via Skype).
Q. She has a fear of going to school, of being there alone without a mother or grandmother. He is vomiting before school and cannot eat. That was when he was in first grade. His mother sat with him at school for a while. What is the reason for this? What it is?
A. Despite the fact that he is sociable, he finds contact with peers and adults, but just as quickly he comes into conflict with them. At the moment, he does not have friends with whom he constantly communicates, he quarrels with everyone, the same applies to adults. It is very difficult for him to follow the rules, he is constantly trying to change them and adjust for himself, which leads to conflicts. It is difficult for him to manage. In the classroom, the teacher pays a lot of attention to him. There is constant chaos in the classroom, the educational process begins to break down. Stas constantly demands attention. For this very reason, conflicts arise. It is very difficult for him to do homework, he starts to get nervous, he needs to take constant pauses and breaks. Any rules provoke an internal protest in him. He has no friends, he quarrels with children, conflicts. They constantly scold him, try to put him in a frame, he constantly conflicts with teachers. He is in constant excitement and conflict with everyone. When someone close to you is near, the burden of close attention to yourself is not so heavy, it is shifted onto the shoulders of those close to you.
Q. He is afraid that he will not be taken from school, that his grandmother or mother will change plans. Suddenly they will go shopping, or some case will happen somewhere, and there will be no one to pick it up.
A. Are there children with whom he constantly communicates without conflicts?
Q. He has a couple of friends.
A. How often does he receive comments from a teacher who is currently teaching several lessons? The teacher constantly monitors him, constantly corrects, makes comments. I have to ask Stas. There are two of them, but always one.
Q. What does this teacher look like?
A. She is from 35 to 40 years old, slim, short. Not a blonde or a brunette, dark blond, brown-haired.
Q. Is this the one in the new school now?
A. First teacher, first print.
Q. Yes, it is.
A. The child cannot yet realize this, all this is subconscious. The first experience, a new stage, a new level, a transition period, the first step towards responsibility and independence. There was a conflict, a bad experience, there is fear. This is all at the subconscious level. We survived everything, he went through it, but there was an injection, a splinter. The first class, the first steps, the first perception, the first experience was not very pleasant for both sides. And the school is perceived negatively, there is a fear of repeating and making a mistake. The child may not even be aware of this himself. A new stage and rules that he must obey. He grew up freely, there were no prohibitions. He is a free child by nature. There are obedient children, and there are free ones. He once had a lot of freedom, but now he doesn't. This is a psychological problem, psychocorrection is needed. He needs to be taken out of this situation. You need to work not only with Stas, but also with mom and grandmother. We need the work of a child psychologist who would help Stas relieve his colossal stress. School creates stress in him. All physical manifestations, when he feels bad, cannot eat, spasmodic phenomena, this suggests that he is too tense. He goes to school extremely reluctantly. And the process itself is problematic for him, and he begins to bring it to perfection in his imagination, to draw the most negative attitude. He does not want to stay there, he has not yet arrived there, he already wants to go back. And he is frightened by the thought that suddenly something will happen, and there will have to stay longer. The problem was based on the conflict, the teacher could not restrain himself, behaved incorrectly towards him, not pedagogically, because he demanded a lot of attention to himself. The entire educational process began to stagger, which unbalanced her. You need to shoot the negative that he received. He survived it as a child, did not realize it, but it was imprinted in the subconscious. The situation is standard, you do not need to be afraid of it. For 3-6 months it would be recommended to correct his behavior and attitude to certain situations. It is necessary to get this negative out of it through drawings, descriptions, associations. You can try to do this to you, but you need direct physical contact, because it has a stronger effect. The situation is fixable, and until it is overgrown with further problems, like a snowball, it needs to be corrected. Any such splinter begins to grow and grow. And while the situation does not get out of control, while it is amenable to correction, a small correction is needed, to change his attitude, to change the program. You need to take him to a child psychologist. He needs perseverance and learn to focus on the process, through games and through tasks. It is better to do this to a stranger, because the child perceives him differently, he is more focused and involved in the conversation. When it is close, the framework is erased, when a stranger, the framework is limited, especially when he is experienced and knowledgeable. Therefore, a specialist is needed. The situation is fixable, uncritical. Having erased the negative, changing the attitude towards it, you can completely easily get rid of problems. This is due to the physical and emotional state. There will be no gagging, there will be no fear of school. Don't panic.
Q. Is the new teacher right for him?
Oh yeah. She is older, more experienced, a good teacher, of a different temper than the previous one. But it’s not about the teachers, the problem is about the child himself. Whatever school it is, it will always be surrounded by different people. For adults, there will be more teachers. There will also be more claims from everyone. Each teacher has a certain energy, a certain character and even a style. It is important to learn how to quickly adapt to situations, to correctly perceive them. He is at the beginning of a long learning journey, so correct adjustments are important.
Q. What adjustments do Grandma and Mom need to make that they need to understand?
A. More persistence and exactingness towards him, the framework between him and his grandmother and mother has been erased. He often dictates the terms, even though he is still a child. Sometimes they even change their positions, he says what to do to mom and grandmother. The child should feel the framework of what is possible and what is not, and the begun should be brought to the end without fail. But do not break down, speak in a demanding and calm tone, not succumbing to provocations. This takes a lot of patience. Any process will take much longer. But whatever he has to do now, he has to do. This awareness must come through the correct attitude towards him from loved ones. There must be a daily routine that must be followed at all times. What time to go to bed, what time to get up, there should be time for games and lessons. Everything must be thought out. There must be rules and they must be established. He is a free child, he lives on the "I want - I do not want" level. Children at this age are unconscious, he cannot calculate the correctness or incorrectness of his actions, he is unconscious, unlike adults. Adults understand, children do not, so they need to be constantly corrected. It is impossible to limit them, but there must be exactingness, he must understand that every act has consequences. If something is violated, then the consequences are irreversible. Self-reliance lies in the fact that the child must be aware of his area of responsibility. Even when he does not get the expected result, one cannot categorically say no. You need to choose the right words. I can’t now, but then. You cannot deprive a child of hope. There should be soft non-categorical approaches, explaining why it is impossible now, and then it will be possible. Then it will be easier to negotiate with the child. You need direct personal contact with a specialist.
Q. How can Stas be configured correctly? What settings should a psychologist give out, what should mom or grandmother say?
A. It is necessary to pull the problem out, imperceptibly for him, in what it ultimately consists. This is a psychological problem, a wrong perception. It is based on conflict. Describe or draw how he feels, maybe even speak. In what and in what form the problem pours out. Why is he afraid that they will not take him away, and if they do not take him away, how does he see it, what will happen next. We need to see it through to the end. Ask questions, and give him the opportunity to answer himself. In the process of constructing a conversation, an experienced specialist will lead him to the fact that he himself will bring out and voice not only the problem itself, but also its solution. The child should always be given the opportunity to find the answer himself, to think. This is the first step to acting deliberately. If you do, you must know why, why and why, how it might end. What's next, what do you think? If for some reason your mother was late and did not pick you up on time, what scares you at school? He voices what he is afraid of. What do you think yourself, how can you get out of this situation, what can you do? With such leading questions, he himself will cope with the internal problem. I understood and I decided. I understood, and now I'm not afraid. We are afraid of what we do not know, even adults. Fear of the unknown. The very visit to school for him is stress and fear, even if he does not realize it, but it is. It needs to be pulled out, spoken. Lead him to the fact that he himself said what to do in this case and how to act.
Q. Will he handle this problem?
A. This is the task not only of him, but also of those close to him. They will all have to deal with this together. And it will be beneficial for everyone. He will succeed in joining a team and interacting with other people. He is naturally outgoing and outgoing. This will not be a problem. This is a new stage in his life, it is difficult. School is stressful for a child. Everything is different, everything is different, when something is constantly demanded from him. We are all very different. There are prevailing stereotypes, but in fact we are all different, we react to everything in different ways. Therefore, do not be afraid when they say that my child is not like everyone else. There is no identical approach to perception. It is easier for someone, easier for someone, we are all different. With the desire and the right approach, any problem can be solved. It is important for him to correctly perceive everything that is happening to him around him, and to react correctly to it. Learn to control yourself, analyze, draw conclusions. All this is quite possible and real. You just need to make an effort. In the future, you will have to refine what was once incomplete. This is especially acute in the upbringing of children. It is a test, a difficult task that requires effort, patience, wisdom and knowledge. Not only do we teach children, but children also teach us. To some extent, they are also teachers for us. Looking at them, we change, they make us change, see further, wider and deeper. This is a common problem, which is quite realistic to cope with, it is not so serious and deep, not so difficult, it is realistic to solve it.
Q. He studies well. Maybe Vera is to blame for something that is happening to him?
A. Any fears are transmitted to loved ones. And children especially feel the fears of their parents and loved ones. Mother and child are energetically connected, they are in the same field. The more the mother worries, the more the child will react to it. Fears are based on ignorance. The more you understand the essence of the process, the less fears there will be. Sometimes you need to be philosophical about problems that cannot be solved at the moment. You need to speculate, calm down, plan to solve problems. There should be a calm and even attitude towards her. The less fears mom and grandmother have, the calmer Stas will be. Less voicing your problems and fears. You cannot completely isolate a child from problems. They can be voiced, but in a form accessible to the child, so that he understands that not everything is good right now, so it is necessary to act this way and that. But the child should not hear and see everything. If the mother is not sure of something, if the mother doubts herself, then the feeling of protection disappears. The child should feel confidence, kindness, love and a strong kind mother who knows and knows everything. This is how he should perceive his parents. He must respect his mother and grandmother, because they are older, they are close, they know more. This needs to be put into it.
Q. Is there damage or evil eye on it?
A. There was and is a lot of envy. Not directed at him, but since it acts in his field, it is also reflected on him. It is not specifically visible on it, but there is an evil eye and envy on loved ones.
Q. Who specifically?
A. At the grandmother.
Q. From whom?
A. A wide range of people. Grievances from the inner circle, relatives. That the more you help, the more they demand, helped a hundred times, refused once, and that's it, a sharp negative. Such an attitude towards grandmother. People with whom I once had to work and cooperate also have negative feelings. There was mutual distrust. Not so much on my mother as on my grandmother.
Q. Can I somehow remove it?
A. We are all in a certain environment, we are immersed in it, we have to interact. There is a constant inevitable exchange of energy with friends and even strangers, it's like garbage. As we cleanse the physical body, we need to cleanse the more subtle and invisible essence. Efforts must be made to ensure that your own biological defense is dense and large. Adequate rest, a sufficient amount of water in the body. Cell dehydration should be avoided. In modern conditions and ecology, a huge number of electronic devices, this is all very destructive. You need to constantly adjust your biological envelope. There should be a sufficient amount of oxygen, adequate respiration for oxygen to be delivered to the cells, physical activity 2 hours 2 times a week. To give kindness to those people who need it, to help. All actions and emotions should be based on love and gratitude, they need to be projected. Thus, the program is removed from the negative. A contrasting cold and hot shower, grounding, prayers and going to church heals and cleanses not only the body, but also the soul. There are people who are able to influence energy fields, align and correct them. But without personal effort, everything will come to where you started. Own work must be required.
Q. Can't there be this envy and evil eye from your mother's cousin?
A. Maybe. The strongest impact from people from whom you do not expect this, from them the negative has a great striking power. Due to the fact that there is an energetic relationship.
Q. In the last reading, they said that in 20-23 Stas will have problems. What kind of problems will he have?
A. A new stage of independence. He will always strive for independence, quickly become independent, break free from care. First steps towards independence. There will be an attempt to take more than it can carry. There will be problems with his studies, which will be interrupted due to the fact that he will change something. There will be a problem of becoming, he will try to organize his business. He studies, then drops out, starts to start something. Problems of becoming. Doesn't listen to anyone, does what he sees fit. Not everything goes smoothly. There will be a break in his studies, then he will study again. Associated with learning and becoming. An attempt to prove yourself, to become independent.
Q. Will there be no consequences for the family, for himself? Will he get off with a psychological breakdown, or will there be something serious?
A. Everything will depend on the adequacy of loved ones, to what extent they will give him the opportunity to do something himself. Everything should be adequate. Parents are experienced, intelligent and knowledgeable. You can not just step aside, but take the position of an observer. “As a parent, I gave you everything I could give. You want independence. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, to go their own way. Once the child decides to be independent, then please, be independent, and solve your own problems as far as possible. I can help with this, but more sorry, but you can only count on it. Because in case of failure, you will drown not only yourself, but you will also drown us. Learn from your mistakes, so try it. "
Q. What profession is better for him to choose?
A. Trade and monetary relations, marketing, management. It should be developed in the field of economics.
Q. How will his family life go?
A. He will have children. He will be very careful about marriage and will not rush into it. First, there will be an open relationship, like a civil marriage, and then an official one. Everything will be gradual and long. All those who are already close to him will say that it is time to make a decision, to urge him on. Not alone, but at the same time he will not marry for a long time. Will calculate, be careful. He marries once, but he will think for a very long time. In his personal life, everything will be smooth.
Q. Will there be children from him?
Q. Will grandmother live to see her great-grandchildren?
A. With the right attitude, you can live a very long time and see your great-grandchildren. We must strive for this.
Q. How can she tune in correctly?
A. Healthy lifestyle, healthy thoughts, positive. The fewer bindings, the freer. The freer, the easier. The easier it is, the more correct. If there are material losses, you need to treat them calmly and evenly. It's all solvable. Problems need to be addressed as they arise. In case of problems, draw up a plan A, B, C. to hedge yourself, strategically calculate everything, and live calmly and enjoy every minute of this life. Thank the Universe and God for everything he has and for all the people he loves. This attitude is the most correct and healthy. It gives confidence in today and tomorrow. The less the inner pendulum sways, the longer the life path. It's actually not difficult. It seems that it is scary to lose something. In fact, the worst thing is the loss of the people we love. Everything else is solvable problems. You need to understand why you live, with what thoughts. With our thoughts, we create not only our reality, but also the being of our loved ones. The cleaner and calmer and more positive the inner mood of everyone is, the better life will be.
Q. What is the best way for grandmother to live with mom and Stas or separately?
A. Three generations under one roof. You need to feel your own feelings. Previously, in all countries and religions, it was common that several generations live under one roof, learn from each other, and pass on experience. It's easier and easier. But times change, circumstances change. In some situations it is convenient, in some it is not. It is difficult to say for sure which is best. It should be comfortable for everyone who is under one roof. There should not be a feeling of discomfort that I interfere, they interfere with me. It would be more correct to live separately, but not far.
Q. How many children will Stas have?
Q. Boys or girls?
A. Children will be heterosexual, there will be both a boy and a girl. The first will be the girl, and then there will be the boy.
If you notice a spelling error, please select it with the mouse and click Ctrl + Enter.
In the overwhelming majority of cases, the child's unwillingness to go to school is not laziness, but the fear of being left without parental support. The child is afraid to be in an unfamiliar place with strangers, he is afraid to get lost. Most often, this fear arises in children who were brought up at home before school and did not undergo adaptation in the children's team. So what if your child is afraid to go to school? How can you help him learn to regulate his behavior in order to become part of the team?
What to do if your child is afraid to go to school
Firstly, reluctance to go to school is absolutely normal, so parents do not need to worry so much. The first school year is the most difficult for students, because their usual life is changing dramatically. Games are replaced by work and work, new relationships are forging - all this can cause stress, because of which the child is afraid to go to school, and you need to have patience to help your child get through this stress as quickly and easily as possible.
In addition to the fact that the child is frightened by the school load, not only physical, but also psycho-emotional, he is afraid of the responsibility that has now fallen on him. He cannot stop learning, just as yesterday he could stop playing the game that he is tired of. Requirements are presented to him that he is obliged to fulfill, he is charged with the obligation to comply with the school regime, and he cannot choose which lessons to go to and which not.
Another reason for the fear of the school is the new team. Both teachers and classmates are people the first grader does not know. He is afraid that adults will scold him, and children will not be accepted into the team. Even adults are worried before the first working day, what can we say about children ...
Of course, in most cases, over time, the tension subsides and the fear disappears. But not always and not at all. Therefore, let's look at the algorithm of actions that will help your baby to ease the habituation to the new status. And the first thing you should do is explain that his fear is common. Tell us how you were afraid to go to school, and how funny these fears and worries seemed to you later.
Explain to him that teachers are people who will teach him what he would never have learned himself, and classmates are new friends with whom it will be very interesting. For a quicker adaptation, invite him to treat classmates with sweets or cookies that you bake yourself. Give him a game that he can play with new friends during recess, and it may well be that your child will win the favor of classmates.
If your child has already been accustomed to a certain routine, it will be easier for him to get used to the school routine, and although he has more responsibility, try to present it to him as if his personal importance has increased along with the responsibility. Treat him like a person, teach him to be proud of your successes, and he really will become successful.
Do not forbid your child to take toys with him to school: sometimes just one glance at an object from a familiar environment will help him calm down. If he had any hobbies before school, try to develop them at school. Enroll your child in a school circle, this will establish a useful pastime and relationships with other children united by common interests.
Do not ignore his problems, listen carefully, do not laugh at him. Talk to him on an equal footing. He must always be sure that he will not be left without your support. But don't practice intrusive control: it destroys trust and damages relationships. Encourage new acquaintances and always take his friends at home. Rating 5.00 (5 votes)
