Reader question:

Hello. I am 20 years old, I recently started working in a correctional school. At first everything was fine, but later high school students began to look for my weak points and put pressure on them. After that I got a lot of stress, and my love for children has already disappeared. And every morning I go back to work with fear. Tell me what to do?

Archpriest Andrey Efanov answers:

Good day! Dear Pavel, you have chosen a very necessary and difficult specialty for yourself - a teacher, and even in a correctional school. God help you! Yes, it happens that the students of pedagogical universities who come to practice, having first stood in front of the class at the blackboard, suddenly realize that they cannot teach the lesson, that they are hindered by insecurity, fear that they cannot overcome, that they have no strength to cope with the class , in other words, that they chose the wrong specialty and did not understand what it was not in theory, but in practice. This question is no longer for the priest, but for teachers with experience - what will they advise to do. I know this: try to overcome your fear, and if it doesn't work out, people are advised to change their specialty, because it happens that a person cannot be a teacher. This is completely normal. So weigh everything properly and figure it out. If your fear is not so strong that you cannot teach, but you are simply in a situation that needs to be overcome, I would advise you to talk to experienced teachers - how they started their work, what problems they encountered and how they got out of them. Children always try the weak points of the teacher, coach, counselor in the camp ... It is important for them to respectfully but clearly and firmly show which line they cannot go beyond. Clearly voice or write even the rules of conduct and penalties for their violation. In general, define the boundaries as clearly and clearly as possible. But this is with ordinary children. How to be in a correctional school, I repeat, senior correctional teachers will tell you.

Pray, go to church regularly, confess and receive communion, this will help you find the necessary spiritual strength and strength.

With your fears, try to understand for yourself what exactly bothers you, or to sort it out with an experienced psychologist, this can be useful not only for work, but also for life.

As a recommendation, I can advise you to seek help from the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya (Moscow).
The oldest Center for Crisis Psychology, created with the blessing of Patriarch Alexy II, is located next to the Semyonovskaya metro station. Here are highly professional Orthodox psychologists who have already helped thousands of people. Help is provided to adults and children, members of any religious confessions, those of little faith, doubters and atheists.

If you have a difficult financial situation, then in no case should this stop you from receiving psychological help at the Center. Donations to the center are determined only by your capabilities and gratitude. The provision of assistance in the Center has nothing to do with the amount of the donation (or its complete absence).

The duration of the session is 1 hour 14 minutes.

Boy, 8 years old, Russia (reading was carried out via Skype).

Q. She has a fear of going to school, of being there alone without a mother or grandmother. He is vomiting before school and cannot eat. That was when he was in first grade. His mother spent some time with him at school. What is the reason for this? What it is?

A. Despite the fact that he is sociable, he finds contact with peers and adults, but just as quickly he comes into conflict with them. At the moment, he does not have friends with whom he constantly communicates, he quarrels with everyone, the same applies to adults. It is very difficult for him to follow the rules, he is constantly trying to change them and adjust for himself, which leads to conflicts. They are difficult to manage. In the classroom, the teacher pays a lot of attention to him. The classroom is in constant chaos, and the educational process begins to break down. Stas constantly demands attention. For this very reason, conflicts arise. It is very difficult for him to do homework, he starts to get nervous, he needs to take constant pauses and breaks. Any rules provoke an internal protest in him. He has no friends, he quarrels with children, conflicts. They constantly scold him, try to put him in a frame, he constantly conflicts with teachers. He is in constant excitement and conflict with everyone. When someone close to you is near, the burden of close attention to yourself is not so heavy, it is shifted onto the shoulders of those close to you.

Q. He is afraid that he will not be taken from school, that his grandmother or mother will change plans. Suddenly they will go shopping, or some case will happen somewhere, and there will be no one to pick it up.

A. Are there children with whom he constantly communicates without conflicts?

Q. He has a couple of friends.

A. How often does he receive comments from a teacher who is currently teaching several lessons? The teacher constantly monitors him, constantly corrects, makes comments. I have to ask Stas. There are two of them, but always one.

Q. What does this teacher look like?

A. She is from 35 to 40 years old, slim, short. Not a blonde or a brunette, dark blond, brown-haired.

Q. Is this the one in the new school now?

A. First teacher, first print.

Q. Yes, it is.

A. The child cannot yet realize this, all this is subconscious. The first experience, a new stage, a new level, a transition period, the first step towards responsibility and independence. There was a conflict, a bad experience, there is fear. This is all at the subconscious level. We survived everything, he went through it, but there was an injection, a splinter. The first class, the first steps, the first perception, the first experience was not very pleasant for both sides. And the school is perceived negatively, there is a fear of repeating and making a mistake. The child may not even be aware of this himself. A new stage and rules that he must obey. He grew up freely, there were no prohibitions. He is a free child by nature. There are obedient children, and there are free ones. He once had a lot of freedom, but now he doesn't. This is a psychological problem, psychocorrection is needed. He needs to be taken out of this situation. You need to work not only with Stas, but also with mom and grandmother. We need the work of a child psychologist who would help Stas relieve his colossal stress. School creates stress in him. All physical manifestations, when he feels bad, cannot eat, spasmodic phenomena, this suggests that he is too tense. He goes to school extremely reluctantly. And the process itself is problematic for him, and he begins to bring it to perfection in his imagination, to draw the most negative attitude. He does not want to stay there, he has not yet arrived there, he already wants to go back. And he is frightened by the thought that suddenly something will happen, and there will have to stay longer. The problem was based on the conflict, the teacher could not restrain himself, behaved incorrectly towards him, not pedagogically, because he demanded a lot of attention to himself. The entire educational process began to stagger, which unbalanced her. You need to shoot the negative that he received. He survived it as a child, did not realize it, but it was imprinted in the subconscious. The situation is standard, you do not need to be afraid of it. For 3-6 months it would be recommended to correct his behavior and attitude to certain situations. It is necessary to get this negative out of it through drawings, descriptions, associations. You can try to do this to you, but you need direct physical contact, because it has a stronger effect. The situation is fixable, and until it is overgrown with further problems, like a snowball, it needs to be corrected. Any such splinter begins to grow and grow. And while the situation does not get out of control, while it is amenable to correction, a small correction is needed, to change his attitude, to change the program. You need to take him to a child psychologist. He needs perseverance and learn to focus on the process, through games and through tasks. It is better to do this to a stranger, because the child perceives him differently, he is more focused and involved in the conversation. When it is close, the framework is erased, when a stranger, the framework is limited, especially when he is experienced and knowledgeable. Therefore, a specialist is needed. The situation is fixable, uncritical. Having erased the negative, changing the attitude towards it, you can completely easily get rid of problems. This is due to the physical and emotional state. There will be no gagging, there will be no fear of school. Don't panic.

Q. Is the new teacher right for him?

Oh yeah. She is older, more experienced, a good teacher, of a different temper than the previous one. But it’s not about the teachers, the problem is about the child himself. Whatever school it is, it will always be surrounded by different people. For adults, there will be more teachers. There will also be more claims from everyone. Each teacher has a certain energy, a certain character and even a style. It is important to learn how to quickly adapt to situations, to correctly perceive them. He is at the beginning of a long learning journey, so correct adjustments are important.

Q. What adjustments do Grandma and Mom need to make that they need to understand?

A. More persistence and exactingness towards him, the framework between him and his grandmother and mother has been erased. He often dictates the terms, even though he is still a child. Sometimes they even change their positions, he says what to do to mom and grandmother. The child should feel the framework of what is possible and what is not, and the begun should be brought to the end without fail. But do not break down, speak in a demanding and calm tone, not succumbing to provocations. It takes a lot of patience. Any process will take much longer. But whatever he has to do now, he has to do. This awareness must come through the correct attitude towards him from loved ones. There must be a daily routine that must be followed at all times. What time to go to bed, what time to get up, there should be time for games and lessons. Everything must be thought out. There must be rules and they must be established. He is a free child, he lives on the "I want - I do not want" level. Children at this age are unconscious, he cannot calculate the correctness or incorrectness of his actions, he is unconscious, unlike adults. Adults understand, children do not, so they need to be constantly corrected. It is impossible to limit them, but there must be exactingness, he must understand that every act has consequences. If something is violated, then the consequences are irreversible. Self-reliance lies in the fact that the child must be aware of his area of ​​responsibility. Even when he does not get the expected result, one cannot categorically say no. You need to choose the right words. I can’t now, but then. You cannot deprive a child of hope. There should be soft non-categorical approaches, explaining why it is impossible now, and then it will be possible. Then it will be easier to negotiate with the child. You need direct personal contact with a specialist.

Q. How can Stas be configured correctly? What settings should a psychologist give out, what should mom or grandmother say?

A. It is necessary to pull the problem out, imperceptibly for him, in what it ultimately consists. This is a psychological problem, a wrong perception. It is based on conflict. Describe or draw how he feels, maybe even speak. In what and in what form the problem pours out. Why is he afraid that they will not take him away, and if they do not take him away, how does he see it, what will happen next. We need to see it through to the end. Ask questions and give him the opportunity to answer himself. In the process of building a conversation, an experienced specialist will lead him to the fact that he himself will bring out and voice not only the problem itself, but also its solution. The child should always be given the opportunity to find the answer himself, to think. This is the first step to acting deliberately. If you do, you must know why, why and why, how it might end. What's next, what do you think? If for some reason your mom was late and didn't pick you up on time, what scares you at school? He voices what he is afraid of. What do you think yourself, how can you get out of this situation, what can you do? With such leading questions, he himself will cope with the internal problem. I understood and I decided. I understood, and now I'm not afraid. We are afraid of what we do not know, even adults. Fear of the unknown. The very visit to school for him is stress and fear, even if he does not realize it, but it is. It needs to be pulled out, talked out. Lead him to the fact that he himself said what to do in this case and how to act.

Q. Will he handle this problem?

A. This is the task not only of him, but also of those close to him. They will all have to deal with this together. And it will be beneficial for everyone. He will succeed in joining a team and interacting with other people. He is naturally outgoing and outgoing. This will not be a problem. This is a new stage in his life, it is difficult. School is stressful for a child. Everything is different, everything is different when something is constantly demanded from him. We are all very different. There are prevailing stereotypes, but in fact we are all different, we react to everything in different ways. Therefore, do not be afraid when they say that my child is not like everyone else. There is no identical approach to perception. It is easier for someone, easier for someone, we are all different. With the desire and the right approach, any problem can be solved. It is important for him to correctly perceive everything that is happening to him around him, and to react correctly to it. Learn to control yourself, analyze, draw conclusions. All this is quite possible and real. You just need to make an effort. In the future, you will have to refine what was once incomplete. This is especially acute in the upbringing of children. It is a test, a difficult task that requires effort, patience, wisdom and knowledge. Not only do we teach children, but children also teach us. To some extent, they are also teachers for us. Looking at them, we change, they make us change, see further, wider and deeper. This is a common problem, which is quite realistic to cope with, it is not so serious and deep, not so difficult, it is realistic to solve it.

Q. He studies well. Maybe Vera is to blame for something that is happening to him?

A. Any fears are transmitted to loved ones. And children especially feel the fears of their parents and loved ones. Mother and child are energetically connected, they are in the same field. The more the mother worries, the more the child will react to it. Fears are based on ignorance. The more you understand the essence of the process, the less fears there will be. Sometimes you need to be philosophical about problems that cannot be solved at the moment. You need to speculate, calm down, plan to solve problems. There should be a calm and even attitude towards her. The less fears mom and grandmother have, the calmer Stas will be. Less voicing your concerns and fears. You cannot completely isolate a child from problems. They can be voiced, but in a form accessible to the child, so that he understands that not everything is good right now, so it is necessary to act this way and that. But the child should not hear and see everything. If the mother is not sure of something, if the mother doubts herself, then the feeling of protection disappears. The child should feel confidence, kindness, love and a strong kind mother who knows and knows everything. This is how he should perceive his parents. He must respect his mother and grandmother, because they are older, they are close, they know more. This needs to be put into it.

Q. Is there damage or evil eye on it?

A. There was and is a lot of envy. Not directed at him, but since it acts in his field, it is also reflected on him. It is not specifically visible on it, but there is an evil eye and envy on loved ones.

Q. Who specifically?

A. At the grandmother.

Q. From whom?

A. A wide range of people. Grievances from the inner circle, relatives. That the more you help, the more they demand, helped a hundred times, refused once, and that's it, a sharp negative. Such an attitude towards grandmother. People with whom I once had to work and cooperate also have negative feelings. There was mutual distrust. Not so much on my mother as on my grandmother.

Q. Can I somehow remove it?

A. We are all in a certain environment, we are immersed in it, we have to interact. There is a constant inevitable energy exchange with acquaintances and even strangers, it's like garbage. As we cleanse the physical body, we need to cleanse the more subtle and invisible essence. Efforts must be made to ensure that your own biological defense is dense and large. Adequate rest, a sufficient amount of water in the body. Cell dehydration should be avoided. In modern conditions and ecology, a huge number of electronic devices, this is all very destructive. You need to constantly adjust your biological envelope. There should be a sufficient amount of oxygen, adequate respiration for oxygen to be delivered to the cells, physical activity 2 hours 2 times a week. To give kindness to those people who need it, to help. All actions and emotions should be based on love and gratitude, they need to be projected. Thus, the program is removed from the negative. A contrasting cold and hot shower, grounding, prayers and going to church heals and cleanses not only the body, but also the soul. There are people who are able to influence energy fields, align and correct them. But without personal effort, everything will come to where you started. Own work must be required.

Q. Can't there be this envy and evil eye from your mother's cousin?

A. Maybe. The strongest impact from people from whom you do not expect this, from them the negative has a great striking power. Due to the fact that there is an energetic relationship.

Q. In the last reading, they said that in 20-23, Stas will have problems. What kind of problems will he have?

A. A new stage of independence. He will always strive for independence, quickly become independent, break free from care. First steps towards independence. There will be an attempt to take more than it can carry. There will be problems with his studies, which will be interrupted due to the fact that he will change something. There will be a problem of becoming, he will try to organize his business. He studies, then drops out, starts to start something. Problems of becoming. Doesn't listen to anyone, does what he sees fit. Not everything goes smoothly. There will be a break in his studies, then he will study again. Associated with learning and becoming. An attempt to prove yourself, to become independent.

Q. Will there be no consequences for the family, for himself? Will he get off with a psychological breakdown, or will there be something serious?

A. Everything will depend on the adequacy of loved ones, to what extent they will give him the opportunity to do something himself. Everything should be adequate. Parents are experienced, intelligent and knowledgeable. You can not just step aside, but take the position of an observer. “As a parent, I gave you everything I could give. You want independence. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, to go their own way. Once the child decides to be independent, then please, be independent, and solve your own problems as far as possible. I can help with this, but more sorry, but you can only count on it. Because in case of failure, you will drown not only yourself, but you will also drown us. Learn from your mistakes, so try it. "

Q. What profession is better for him to choose?

A. Trade and monetary relations, marketing, management. It should be developed in the field of economics.

Q. How will his family life go?

A. He will have children. He will be very careful about marriage and will not rush into it. First, there will be an open relationship, like a civil marriage, and then an official one. Everything will be gradual and long. All those who are already close to him will say that it is time to make a decision, to urge him on. Not alone, but at the same time he will not marry for a long time. Will calculate, be careful. He marries once, but he will think for a very long time. In his personal life, everything will be smooth.

Q. Will there be children from him?

Q. Will grandmother live to see her great-grandchildren?

A. With the right attitude, you can live a very long time and see your great-grandchildren. We must strive for this.

Q. How can she tune in correctly?

A. Healthy lifestyle, healthy thoughts, positive. The fewer bindings, the freer. The freer, the easier. The easier it is, the more correct. If there are material losses, you need to treat them calmly and evenly. It's all solvable. Problems need to be addressed as they arise. In case of problems, draw up a plan A, B, C. to hedge yourself, strategically calculate everything, and live calmly and enjoy every minute of this life. Thank the Universe and God for everything he has and for all the people he loves. This attitude is the most correct and healthy. It gives confidence in today and tomorrow. The less the inner pendulum sways, the longer the life path. It's actually not difficult. It seems that it is scary to lose something. In fact, the worst thing is the loss of the people we love. Everything else is solvable problems. You need to understand why you live, with what thoughts. With our thoughts, we create not only our reality, but also the being of our loved ones. The cleaner and calmer and more positive the inner mood of everyone is, the better life will be.

Q. What is the best way for grandmother to live with mom and Stas or separately?

A. Three generations under one roof. You need to feel your own feelings. Previously, in all countries and religions, it was common that several generations live under one roof, learn from each other, and pass on experience. It's easier and easier. But times change, circumstances change. In some situations it is convenient, in some it is not. It is difficult to say for sure which is better. It should be comfortable for everyone who is under one roof. There should not be a feeling of discomfort that I interfere, they interfere with me. It would be more correct to live separately, but not far.

Q. How many children will Stas have?

Q. Boys or girls?

A. Children will be heterosexual, there will be both a boy and a girl. The first will be the girl, and then there will be the boy.

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The fear of school and the reluctance to go there is increasingly common among children. Why is the child afraid of school?

Not all, but many parents go through the child's fear of school. It seems that the child is so waiting when he goes to first grade. This is how it prepares. And then - bam! - the desire disappears, and whims, tantrums, persuasions begin. This can happen on the first day or any other day in the middle of the school year.

Such a scary school

Finally, you and your child waited for September 1st. Festive mood, white blouses, jackets, bows, briefcases and bouquets are everywhere pleasing to the eye. First line, first lesson, first acquaintances. Everything is better than you could imagine.

But a couple of days pass, and an unexpected thunderstorm breaks into your quiet haven. The child begins to throw tantrums, does not want to go to school, and no persuasion works. It can be quiet crying with pleading eyes and requests never to take him to such a scary school again. Or it can result in a loud riot with the release of emotions and hatred.

You don't recognize the child. You don't understand what could have happened. First, you try to find out the reasons from the first grader himself, but this does not always bear fruit. Then it's time to come to the teacher for explanations. Of course, there are times when something really happened at school. Then it's easier to solve. You can influence the child and calm him down. But what to do, for example, when there is no apparent reason?

Your child cannot point to specific reasons, and the teacher did not notice anything wrong. It is this situation that is usually very frustrating and tormenting. Where does fear come from and why is a child afraid to go to school? How to influence, help, correct, if you do not see what exactly needs to be corrected? The answer is given by Yuri Burlan's training "System Vector Psychology".

Feeling secure is the foundation of life

It's no secret that the most important role in a child's life is played by parents. Their the internal state and behavior (especially of the mother) is fully reflected in the child as in a mirror... From birth to school, the child is one with his mother. If she is calm and confident in the future, does not suffer from fears, depression, bad conditions, then the child is completely sure that he is safe.

If the mother herself is in a bad state, even with a smile on her face, then it is useless to expect calmness and confidence from the child. Since mom is nervous, it means that he is in danger. Most of the children's fears come from here.

This stressful condition stops the child's mental development. No matter how you develop him in circles and sections, he will not be ready for school mentally. Taking him to a psychologist or doctor is also useless. They will not be able to give that which depends only on you. If there is no protection and tranquility at home, then the school is even worse - there are no parents there.

Conversely, if the child feels constant protection and calmness from his mother, he is sure that everything is fine. There is no tension, no stress - so there is no need to be afraid. Such a first grader is calm and balanced. He knows the world is not hostile. Nothing threatens him, because mom is calm, even if she is not always there.

A child needs a feeling of security and safety from the very first minute after birth until graduation - at least! This is the most important condition that practically guarantees that your child will be spared unreasonable fears. The child is less likely to be afraid of school.

Ranking in the children's team

There is one more important condition for quick and painless adaptation to school - kindergarten. From the age of three, a person begins to perceive himself as part of a team. He needs to find his place in him - without the participation of his parents. The best age for this is three to six. It's kindergarten time. Socialization must necessarily occur at this age.

Learning to interact with other children, understanding their role in society, the child will feel confident. By going to the first grade, he will be fully adapted and ready mentally. Naturally, with such a child there will be fewer problems at school, or they will not be at all.

If your child did not attend kindergarten, then all socialization will begin in the first grade. This poses certain problems. The age has already passed, the separation from the mother is even more difficult, and most of the children have already passed it. Such children most often have a fear when they get into a large team, with which they have to be alone.

But even if your child was not in kindergarten, is strongly attached to his mother and sharply felt all the horror of the changes when going to first grade, he can and should be helped to go through the adaptation process as gently as possible. And by understanding exactly the causes of the problems, it is much easier to do this.

The child is afraid of school: reasons

Fear in children does not appear from scratch... There are quite clear reasons for this, which arise depending on the properties of the child, given by nature. The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan helps to understand what properties are inherent in your child and what exactly he may be afraid of.

Let's highlight the main groups of reasons why a child may lose the desire to go to school, what he may be afraid of:

1. Fear to stand out in something, to draw attention to yourself, to be different and because of this become an outcast.

2. Fear of doing something wrong, not having time to finish; that he will not be praised, scolded, will laugh.

3. Fear that everyone around is screaming and running, there is no saving silence, to which he is accustomed at home.

Each group can include one fear or several at once. There are also children for whom all of the above is not a problem. If something is wrong with your child, it's time to figure out what exactly.

It is also necessary to take into account that junior schoolchildren do not yet have sufficient cultural restrictions, they are often cruel towards a classmate who stands out in some way. It may be an unusual name, a flaw in appearance. Ridicule and ignorance will inevitably lead to reluctance to go to school.

Fear of being different

Not a single small child wants to stand out, to be different, children want to be like everyone else so as not to become an outcast... But more often this fear is inherent in children with a visual vector. These babies are initially born with fear as a basic emotion. With proper development, fear for oneself develops into its opposite - love for others and sensuality. In the meantime, fear is natural; it is important to know how to react to it.

Children with a visual vector, not feeling protected from their mother and not having the skill of socialization, become the first objects of bullying. The weaker physically, often cry, react emotionally to every little thing, they feel sorry for everyone and always.

They are scared to go to school. At the same time, they are driven by the desire to communicate, to learn something new, to be in a team. They cannot imagine themselves without emotions and emotional connections. Therefore, the contradiction - and scary, and wanting - is about them.

Such a first grader needs to be supported in an effort to get a portion of communication, to learn something new, to see what he has not yet seen. You just need to encourage him to share something tasty with new friends and help in all those who need help. He gets extraordinary pleasure from this process. It is laid down by nature, so it will be very useful. In addition, for a children's flock, a child who is able to share, help disinterestedly, will be the most desirable for communication. Others will be attracted to him, he will never be an outcast, and this applies to all children.

Fear of being ridiculed

It only happens in children with the so-called anal vector. By nature, these are the most obedient children, attached to their mother, who is their ideal. They are slow, very solid and do not like to switch from one thing to another without completing the first. For them, praise is the most important thing. They tend to be offended and do not tolerate ridicule. Again, with proper development, these qualities turn into the most positive ones.

Such a child should not be rushed. Never in anything. It is necessary to give him time to finish everything to the end. Then be sure to praise, but in moderation. It is also impossible to overestimate. He will immediately sense the catch. In no case should you laugh at him and make fun of him if something does not work out. Otherwise, the insult can remain in the memory for life. And these children have the best memory.

When going to school, a child with an anal vector needs to be encouraged for a special craving for knowledge, and it will definitely be if he develops without delay; praise for good grades, for the cleanliness and accuracy of the notebook. He especially needs support. You can tell him that it would be useful to explain something incomprehensible to your classmates, to help them understand something.

It would be very good to talk to the teacher so that he would try to pull less and hurry such a student. Well, the constant support of parents is the most important thing for a leisurely child.

If loud noises at recess are terrifying

In every team there is necessarily a child (or even more than one) who is used to standing on the sidelines, does not participate in running, and when screaming, closes his ears with his hands. This is the owner of the sound vector. He is often considered out of this world. But he is more than normal. It is he who may be afraid of school because of the noisy environment in the classroom.

A child with a sound vector is an introvert. He cannot stand big companies and loud sounds. It's hard for him to get used to school and join the team. Potentially, such a child is the most brilliant. He always tries to comprehend the meaning, hears sounds very subtly, often has an absolute ear for music, is inclined towards science. He can become an outstanding scientist or musician.

But again, this is potential. To do this, he needs to be in silence. At least at home.

A child with a sound vector needs to create absolute silence at home. You cannot shout at him or even raise your voice. It is a quiet speech and a whisper that he is able to hear best. In no case should you humiliate him with meanings, call him stupid or stupid, say that nothing will come of him. From this, the child loses the ability to hear, think, perceive. He withdraws into himself and disconnects from the world.

Psychology that produces results

Nowadays, children are most often born with several vectors. Accordingly, the properties are combined in them are different. It is from this that one must proceed when preparing a child for school.

“… I now understand that she did not have a feeling of security and safety, that all my visual fears directly affect her, and from the very birth. But at that time, I found the only reason for this behavior. School! Grade 1, stress, will pass. On that and calmed down. At this time, my brother's wife began listening to lectures on SVP and periodically hinting that it would be nice for me to at least read, but it would be better to listen for my own sake, and for the sake of my family, etc.
… I tried to focus on the child, not really understanding how to do it. To begin with, I "introduced" one more obligatory daily ritual. Before going to bed, I came to her room, lay down next to her, and we talked to her on all topics of interest to her. She really liked it, she had been waiting for this all evening. She shared with me some moments from her school life, I told her about my ... "
Oksana M., lawyer, Penza

“… I have already felt rapid and incredible changes in my son. About my results, and they also exist, I will write separately. I took the training - and I saw the result in it! Only here, at the training, I realized how connected we are. This is amazing! He used to catch me what Yuri gave me!
He suddenly calmed down. I stopped asking if everything is fine with me. Make obsessive movements (rituals), cry for no reason. But the most important thing is that he began to perceive educational information by ear again! ..
... And suddenly he began to prepare for the lessons ...
And then he began to wear fives one after another. Seeing his condition, I decided not to give him the pills that we periodically drank during this time ...
... Today, when I am writing this review, there are three days left until the end of the academic six months, and my son is finishing it with an excellent student! .. "
Yuliana G., teacher at a music school, Ulyanovsk

In the overwhelming majority of cases, the child's unwillingness to go to school is not laziness, but the fear of being left without parental support. The child is afraid to be in an unfamiliar place with strangers, he is afraid to get lost. Most often, this fear arises in children who were brought up at home before school and did not undergo adaptation in the children's team. So what if your child is afraid to go to school? How can you help him learn to regulate his behavior in order to become part of the team?

What to do if your child is afraid to go to school

First, reluctance to go to school is absolutely normal, so parents don't need to worry too much. The first school year is the most difficult for students, because their usual life is changing dramatically. Games are replaced by work and study, new relationships are forging - all this can cause stress, because of which the child is afraid to go to school, and you need to have patience to help your child get through this stress as quickly and easily as possible.

In addition to the fact that the child is frightened by the school load, not only physical, but also psycho-emotional, he is afraid of the responsibility that has now fallen on him. He cannot stop learning, just as yesterday he could stop playing the game that he is tired of. Requirements are presented to him that he is obliged to fulfill, he is charged with the obligation to comply with the school regime, and he cannot choose which lessons to go to and which not.

Another reason for the fear of the school is the new team. Both teachers and classmates are people the first grader does not know. He is afraid that adults will scold him, and children will not be accepted into the team. Even adults are worried before the first working day, what can we say about children ...

Of course, in most cases, over time, the tension subsides and the fear disappears. But not always and not at all. Therefore, let's look at the algorithm of actions that will help your baby to ease the habituation to the new status. And the first thing you should do is explain that his fear is common. Tell us how you were afraid to go to school, and how funny these fears and worries seemed to you later.

Explain to him that teachers are people who will teach him what he would never have learned himself, and classmates are new friends with whom it will be very interesting. For a quicker adaptation, invite him to treat classmates with sweets or cookies that you bake yourself. Give him a game that he can play with new friends during recess, and it may well be that your child will win the favor of classmates.

If your child has already been accustomed to a certain routine, it will be easier for him to get used to the school routine, and although he has more responsibility, try to present it to him as if his personal importance has increased along with the responsibility. Treat him like a person, teach him to be proud of your successes, and he really will become successful.

Do not forbid your child to take toys with him to school: sometimes just one glance at an object from a familiar environment will help him calm down. If he had any hobbies before school, try to develop them at school. Enroll your child in a school circle, this will establish a useful pastime and relationships with other children united by common interests.

Do not ignore his problems, listen carefully, do not laugh at him. Talk to him on an equal footing. He must always be sure that he will not be left without your support. But don't practice intrusive control: it destroys trust and damages relationships. Encourage new acquaintances and always take his friends at home. Rating 5.00 (5 votes)

Help me please, I am 14 years old, I am studying in the seventh grade, once (last year) I already stayed for the second year. And it bothers me a lot. Everyone in the school knows me, all the students, all the teachers. And everyone has a negative opinion of me. I'm afraid to go to school, I'm afraid what people will think of me. I'm afraid of society. And that's why I'm skipping. Parents think that I just don't want to study. But I could study at home with a new teacher. But the parents say that this is not possible. They don't have so much money to teach me at home ... I don't know what to do ... But I can't go to school. This is the worst thing in the world for me.
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Ekaterina, age: 01/14/2016

Feedback:

Hello Kate! It's all about your fear, fear of condemnation, misunderstanding, ridicule. People have a lot of their own problems and can discuss not only you, do not get hung up on this. It is better to be distracted and focus on studying, on those subjects that are better at it. Just repeat to yourself - I don’t care about the opinions of others, I can handle it, I’m acting correctly. Find yourself a hobby, what you like - it will work out and, next, your overall confidence will grow. School subjects are not easy for everyone, the main thing is not to give up, but to look for your own, let it be the best, to live according to your heart. Start with small steps, set small goals, such as a positive grade, even for an easy subject. Then you can get down to something more complicated. And remember that your academic performance is not equal to your assessment as a person. Good luck!

Artyom, age: 31 / 20.01.2016

Hello Katya. And if you transfer to another school ?! It's just that not everyone is registered for home schooling, mainly for health reasons. In any case, you need to study, first of all for yourself, your education, development. Maybe there is an opportunity to see a psychologist ?! Try not to skip lessons, read more, watch videos on incomprehensible topics on the Internet. Good luck, Katya. Take care of yourself!

Irina, age: 01/28/2016

Katyusha, can you stop being afraid and tell the teachers that they would help you to improve your studies? I think they are also burdened by the fact that there are lagging students. Excellent students can also help you. Or maybe they want, but do not dare to propose themselves. Talk to a teacher you trust. Skipping is not an option. It will probably not be superfluous to discuss this situation with my mother. Good luck, Katenka)

Clara, age: 34 / 01.21.2016

Persuade your parents to transfer you to another school.

Kakite girl type, age: 10 / 24.09.2017

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